Miserable to Miracle

Have I mentioned how much I hate being sick? I really hate being sick. I was reading a bit last night about St. Therese the “Little Flower” and how she rejoiced even in her illness.. which meant at 3am when I am wallowing in self-pity, thinking I’m dying (with my poor little head cold), I am not too impressed with my own walk toward sainthood. I wish I was one of those people who could suck it up.

Well, now that I’m a mom I have become much less vocal about my suffering and I have learned to suck it up… more so than before motherhood, anyway. I get out of bed even when I don’t want to. I make meals. I smile and make funny voices for my son, even when I don’t feel like being funny. I bathe him and love him and try to comfort him more than myself. It’s difficult and uncomfortable but it feels so good and rewarding, like the right thing to do.

My health journey with oils has continually progressed in this beautiful, exuberant unfolding of everything I’ve ever looked for. Wow, that’s quite a sentence, but it’s 100% true. It’s been slow and steady, filled with self-doubt and learning curves, but God has provided every step of the way to calm my yearning soul.

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I don’t know who this is, but her soul looks calm.

Flash back to 3am, the wallowing in self-pity scene. I can’t breath and my whole head hurts. I am desperate for anything to alleviate my pain but am wholeheartedly committed to not regressing back to OTC pain relievers and toxic “bandaids”. I am searching for the root and the cure. That said, it still really sucks. I find myself thinking “are these oils really working?”

I roll out of bed and sniffle down to the shower where I run the hottest water I can all over my head. This is my third shower for the day. I allow myself to moan and wail, like how I did during childbirth. Somehow releasing the energy vocally after repressing it all day (because “no one likes a moaner”, literally, right?) feels right. I’m pressing all of my sinus points, lifting up my cheek fat, pushing things toward lymphatic drainage. The damned blocked nose thing, right between my eyes, just isn’t budging.

So, I kid you not, I say aloud “Be healed in the name of Jesus” about seven times. Actually, who really knows how many times, I wasn’t counting. The only light in my bathroom is a tiny nightlight with a blown glass cross in front of it, and I half expect it to start flickering. I open my eyes under the stream because I feel afraid.

Yes, adults can apparently still be afraid of the dark. And demonic stuff.

“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty”

1 Corinthians 1:27

We’re out of towels so I bundle myself in my huge terry cloth robe and wear Jackson’s white, hooded lamb towel to cover my wet hair, which feels appropriate. When I go to get a drink of water, all of our cups are dirty so I use a bowl, which makes me think of Jesus drinking from the well with the Samaritan woman. The clean mug that I do find has photos of roses adorning it, reminding me of Mary the Mystical Rose.

You get it, right? I am just covered by God. He will heal me. He is here with me. It may sound foolish to those of the world, but those with Kingdom Eyes who are reading this know what I’m talking about. None of this is coincidental.

I lay down on my couch and fill first my left ear with Hydrogen Peroxide while I sip on my oily hot toddy (3 drops of Copaiba, 5 drops Lemon, hot water and tonight I skipped the honey). I lay there for probably five minutes, listening to the gentle bubbles. Just like that I feel the pressure in my cheeks alleviating, and the huge blockade from in between my eyebrows finally gives in as I move a giant piece of gunk out. HALLELUJAH. This feels like progress. I switch sides. I inhale the steam from my mug which kind of burns my nostrils. I have Frankincense smeared all over my upper lip and nose since I’ve rubbed the skin raw with all of my nose blowing.

I’ve got Deep Relief on the back of my neck, and I feel it doing something that I can’t quite put my finger on. My oily friends have told me Deep Relief penetrates all the way down to the bone, to which I rolled my eyes and scoffed “Yeah right.” But as I feel it sink into my skin, after the initial icy Tiger Balm tingly feeling, I feel something deep in my face and neck and jaw — the same areas I’ve been battling this TMJ issue for over a year now. It’s painful. This isn’t some comfortable relieving experience. I feel like something is being drawn out. My brain and neck and face feels swollen.

I am just miserable. But this feels like progress.

The next day — today — I am exhausted and still have to do my mom duties. Jackson still has some of his sniffles so I take a friend’s advice and draw him a “detox bath”. I had already made up some bath salts for me with the same ratio of baking soda and epsom salt, using Peace & Calming and Lavender, so I used that with a ½c. of hydrogen peroxide.

Mama Moses’ Detox Bath

• 1 cup Epsom salt
• Young Living Essential Oil of your choice. We go for Purification over here, but any other mild oil would be good too, like Lavender. We do 5 drops mixed into the Epsom salt.
• 1 cup baking soda
• 1 cup hydrogen peroxide

Mix into a hot bath, and let em play. Out with the bad, in with the good!

After the bath I rub dilute RC onto his back; neat Frankincense onto his chest and Purification on his feet. We nurse and he naps. I kid you not, when he wakes up he is a different boy. Smiling, playful, all over the place.

Unfortunately, I still feel like crap.

So I message another oily friend who has been doing this much longer than me and she suggests that I visit her chiropractor, Dr. Deb, in Catoosa. I have no shits to give and nothing to lose, so I decide to use the hard-earned money I’ve scraped together to visit Dr. Deb (January is a very rough month for rose farmers, if you were wondering). I don’t regret it one bit.

Not only was she professional and knew her stuff, but she spoke Truth. She operates her business as a woman, as a believer, as a health professional, and as a trained aromatherapist. She did some muscle and reflex testing after initially talking to me to see where internally I am weak — because weakened systems, leads to weakened immunity which leads to susceptibility toward illness. Makes sense. What’s nuts is that she can tell what’s going on by stretching and counter-pressuring your arms and legs. Within minutes she had deduced that I struggle with liver, small and large intestinal issues — which clinicians have determined as well, but I knew intuitively already from my lifestyle.

What’s interesting, however, is that I told her about my experience with Deep Relief and the strange thing that happened with the full-swollen feeling. She noted that pesticides are often stored within bone tissue, and particularly in the facial area, so when using something like Deep Relief on bony areas, detox is likely to occur. When I reflected on it, this is exactly what it felt like. Like something was being exhumed from the deepest layers within my head. It was uncomfortable but felt like progress, and I was right. There is no scientific way to convince any of you reading about what was happening — just like there is no proof that I can offer you about saying aloud “Be healed in the name of Jesus” in my shower. But I can testify that both things were effective and exactly what my body, mind and soul needed.

We in America are so used to having doctors prescribe us something for the symptoms that are ailing us. I thought that she would do some adjustments on my face, try to alleviate some of the sinus pressure, recommend Eucalyptus oil. I was dead wrong. She gave me homework to work on specific neurolymphatic points that correlate with ailing internal systems, and corresponding oils that will aid in their repair. Lots of DiGize, Lemon, Purification and Peppermint was recommended.

We also talked a bit about emotional release as I mentioned my plan to taper off of antidepressants. She too echoed my friend Laura about inner strength, remaining calm and reminding me that God tells us not to be anxious. She said “Don’t approach this from a place of desperation, but a place of confidence and peace. When you let in desperation, you let in strife which undoes peace and causes chaos.” She’s not wrong, and I am guilty of doing so. And it does wreak havoc in my life. Peace is always the better path to walk.

I’ve been wanting to read and use Carolyn Mein’s book “Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils” but haven’t had the skrilla to buy in through Amazon recently. Dr. Deb had a copy in her clinic and generously gifted it to me, mentioning that our mutual friend Sara had been good to her and that she was inspired by Sara’s generosity to also pay it forward. I was very, very grateful. Remember that book “Waking the Tiger” I recommended a month or so ago? It echoes the same sentiments in Carolyn Mein’s book, that we are deeply connected to underlying emotions we don’t even know exist but that our senses can help us release those emotions. Everything has just so beautifully coincided along this journey. It’s not only about the oils, it’s about upping positive affirmations, reducing toxic thinking, using sight, smell, sound, taste and touch to ameliorate our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing. We are whole creatures. We should treat our whole systems.

This isn’t some hippie woo woo stuff; this is knowledge that every man and woman should have and employ if they want life in abundance.

Speaking of positive affirmations, she reminded me that God has a specific plan of prosperity for me. That I am valuable, and that what I have to offer to the world is of value. I really needed to hear that.

By the way, did I mention I went to see her to treat my cold?

Lastly, she had me do an iTovi scan, something I was so psyched about because all of my oily friends know what it is and how it works and I know little to nothing about it. Who doesn’t love to get feedback about themselves though? That’s why we all indulge in those silly Facebook quizzes, and answer questions about what type of donuts we like to see if Tasty can actually guess what age we are. We all want to believe, learn and feel known.

I’m not going to get into the science behind the iTovi because you can do the research on your own (and I’ll do a really crappy job of explaining it). But basically it reads electrical signals to see what your body is lacking and suggests whatever products may aid in helping you reach wellness… and I’m not only talking physically, because once again, I fully expected to see suggestions for supplements or vitamins, especially because I’m sick. It reads you as a whole being, where your body and brain and emotions.

I was floored by my results.

Now, I haven’t had much time to look into why I have “107 unresolved biopoints” or what that means. This appointment just happened a couple of hours ago, and I have an 8 month old. So I can’t answer those questions yet. What really matters to me, though, is that the oils recommended correspond exactly to where I am in life right now. How could this machine possibly know this? Is this real science? Do I need to know how it works in order to believe in it? What could iTovi — or Dr. Deb — gain by fooling me with fake results? Neither of them are making money off of these oils that came up. Once again, I simply choose to relish the mystery (much like what we as Catholics have to do when approaching the Eucharist), accept that some things are out of my comprehension, and believe.

What did it recommend?

Firstly, the oil blend Dream Catcher. This complex blend includes Royal Hawaiian sandalwood, Tangerine (one of my personal favorites), Ylang ylang, Pepper, Bergamot, Anis, Juniper, Geranium, Blue cypress, Davana, Jasmine, Matricaria, Blue tansy, Rose, Grapefruit, Spearmint, Lemon and Ocotea oils… all which sound heavenly to me. But what are Dream Catcher’s intended uses? It stimulates the emotional centers of the brain, awakening creative thoughts and enhancing dreams and visualizations… it promotes greater potential for realizing your dreams and staying on your path. It also protects from negative thoughts and dreams that might cloud your vision… all things I have consistently struggled with throughout my lifetime.

Secondly, the oil blend Transformation. Lemon, Peppermint, Royal Hawaiian sandalwood, Clary, Sacred frankincense, Idaho blue spruce, Cardamom, Ocotea and Palo santo. These don’t sound as appealing to me… but when I read the purpose of Transformation, I understood why. It’s about recovering from trauma and tragedy, not something many of us look forward to working with. The pocket guide reference says “Memories are imprinted in our cells for better or worse. Stored negative emotions need to be replaced with joy, hope and courage. Transformation blend radiates with purifying oils and the revitilizing power of sesquiterpenes, anchors new mental programming and reaches into the deepest recesses of memory. It empowers and upholds the changes you want to make in your belief system. Positive, uplifting beliefs are foundation for the transformation of behavior.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT WITCHCRAFT IS THIS? Have not all of my blog posts been all about these things?! Is this not exactly the trajectory my life path is on right now?

And lastly, as these things go, it recommended Rose. You need to understand that the Rose follows me around. As a Catholic, the rose is intrinsically connected with mother Mary and many saints. I feel like my life was renewed through roses, my rose business, five years ago, and ever since they just kind of float around me, in patterns on clothes, art in restaurants, funny overhead conversations and even smells. The rose surrounds my entire life and has for a handful of years now. Actually, one of my fondest memories from childhood is taking roses from Dr. Pickard’s rose garden — our across the street neighbor — to give to my mom. But that’s a story for another time.

So, I know this blog post has been long and picture-less, but I hope it imparted the energy that I am currently buzzing in. I am happy to report that I can breathe through my nose and not currently in any pain. The cold is still there in the background, but nothing like 3am this morning. This too shall pass. The virus must run its course. But isn’t it amazing and beautiful how, out of pain, distress or discomfort new fruits can come into season? When God places these things in our life they are always for our good. He wills our good, even when it doesn’t feel good. My heart is overflowing with gratitude and hope. This journey is beautiful.


On a closing note, I was googling different words to find just a couple pictures to scatter throughout this post, because seriously who likes reading block paragraphs without a visual break every now and then? …I googled “Christ’s miracles” and found this amazing photo of a shrine called  Lord Holy Christ of Miracles in Portugal. The photo just spoke to me.

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